11 July 2013

Still here... also, a Sale!

I am still alive! It's a long story. Suffice it to say my first big breakdown in over 8 months was hellacious. But everything's ok now! More on that later. Maybe.

I Quit The Internet update:

Here are some results of No Internet so far, since it's been over a month now...
  • I have had way more time to reflect, and I think that is part of why my depression got so bad. Without the distractions I had to face the things that have been bothering me (mostly issues about my purpose in life, you know, the usual 20-something agenda).
  • I haven't (in general) felt so much pressure to perform.
  • I haven't had as big of a to-do list and have felt happier in general (last weekend aside).
  • I have more time on my hands.
  • I also haven't done a whole lot in the last few weeks besides watch tv, eat, and read. I haven't produced anything, which was the ultimate goal of less internet.
Lately I've failed at keeping time limits, and even started browsing outside of the approved list of sites (GASP). But I am going to forgive myself and move on... I've had bigger fish to fry lately. I have been thinking that my focus is wrong (see last post on how my issues are bigger than how much time I spend online), and that rather than trying to remove something from my life I need to concentrate on adding something (art, in particular) which should hopefully shove out the need for distractions. I want art to be a part of my daily life more than I want to not be on the internet. I need to replace the internet with creative habits. I feel like I've forgotten myself as an artist because I've spent so much of my creative time on jobs. I don't remember the last time I finished a personal work. I don't even remember how to do a big piece of art, as all of my projects have been one-time things or made up of a bunch of little pieces. I want to draw dragons and aliens again! I want to do big paintings and illustrations again! But I don't remember how and it just seems like too much work.

I think I have some legitimate reasons for not doing big paintings and illustrations... I got a full time job and got married right after high school, which really changed my entire life (totally worth it, but I guess I'm still adjusting)... and the last year, particularly the last month has been insane. Husband gone for 6 weeks (I did get to visit him a couple weekends ago, it was wonderful!), roommates whose lifestyles do not in any way align with my own (I thrive on habit, routine, and tidiness, they apparently do not), zero luck finding housing in Santa Cruz (where we are supposedly moving at the end of the month), no job prospects, and then I go and have a breakdown. So excuse me for not creating masterpieces during all of this! I need to not be such a perfectionist... I am the only person in the world who expects me to have made oodles of amazing artwork by now. :P That said, when we do get our own place and I do have a routine and a job, I want to start forming some creative habits and making art a big part of my life again... I'm looking for any help + input on that front if anyone has advice!

Still not sure what the future holds for Scoutaroo, but it's looking like it will be sticking around a bit longer at some capacity! Even if it does putter out, I'm determined not to let my art keep limping along like this... I want to take the next step, whatever that is. I've had a lot to think about in the last few weeks and I'm still muddling through a lot of it, but in my next post hopefully I'll be able to share some of the decisions I've come to about what I'll be pursuing next.

In the meantime, buy some cheap stationery! For the month of July I'm selling all my stationery sets for just $10... to make room for new stuff and give me less things to pack. :P BUY IT, you know you want it! ;)

♥ Ciara Kay


  1. oh, big hug, Ciara Kay. Be gentle with yourself and trust that everything will fall into place.