Red Light, Green Light

Once again, I feel like my goals with Scoutaroo are being put off by things outside of my control. As soon as I feel like I'm on a roll I get a hip check from life that knocks me out of play. I feel like I will never have a routine, like I will never achieve "normal," and every time I take two steps forward I'm pushed one step back.

A few weeks ago, it was a death in the family. This week, an emergency hospital visit. What will tomorrow bring? I can only hope for peace, no more tragedies or near-misses. I feel selfish for wishing that everyone would just stop having problems so I can just be left alone do my thing, and I am. The reality is that sacrifice and loss come with relationships of any kind, and I would be in far worse shape outside of those relationships.

But still, I'm tired of playing red light, green light with my life. My reaction in the past to resistance is to just give up, which is easier and less painful in the short run than all this stopping & starting, but I'm just as tired of the long string of unfinished projects that my life has been. I want this to end well, to succeed or to go down in flames. I want it bad. I just don't seem to have the patience to see it through.

I wish I could make Scoutaroo my top priority, and I feel like I'm failing at everything because I can't do that right now. But the truth is that my only responsibility is to God, my husband, my family and my friends, the PEOPLE in my life. I have to take care of them first. Then I will have my glory day in the hot sun.

♥ Ciara Kay